Green Eggs and Sam
by trecebo
Summary: A bit of Jack and Sam set to the classic Green Eggs and Ham. So, dust off your copy and grab your tea for a bit of fun, of fun with me...


**Green Eggs and Sam**

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A SG-1 parody in the masterful stylings of the Master: Dr. Seuss. I own nothing here. SG-1 belongs to somebody, Theodore Giesel and his works belong to his estate, and I humble apply my own wackiness in an attempt to bring a smile to your day.

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**Green Eggs and Sam by trecebo  
**

I am Sam.  
Sam I am.

That Sam-I-am!  
That Sam-I-am!  
I really like  
that Sam-I-am!

_Will you call me  
Sir or Ma'am?_

I will not call you,  
Sam-I-am.  
I will not call you  
Sir or Ma'am.

_Do you like Teal'c's  
new hair?_

I'm not sure 'bout  
Teal'c's new hair.  
If he doesn't mind,  
I don't care.  
I will not call you  
Sir or Ma'am.  
I really like you,  
Sam-I-am.

_Can we hang out  
at your house?  
Does your computer  
have a mouse?_

I guess we can hang out  
at my house.  
My computer  
has a mouse.  
Still not sure 'bout  
T's new hair.  
If he likes it,  
I don't care.  
I will not call you Sir or Ma'am.  
But I know I like you, Sam-I-am.

_Have you seen Daniel's  
brand new box?  
That boy is nosier  
than a fox._

Don't touch the box.  
Pad it with two locks.  
Hang at my house.  
Don't mess with my mouse.  
Worried 'bout T's new hair.  
But if he's cool, then I don't care.  
I will not call you Sir or Ma'am.  
Still thinkin' I like you, Sam-I-am.

_Would you? Could you?  
Blow up a star?  
Hurry! Hurry!  
It's not THAT far._

We have,  
You did,  
blow up a star.

_I know you like me.  
That I see.  
But it's those Regs  
We aren't free._

You know I like you? Do you like me?  
And darn those Regs. We aren't free.  
Don't let Daniel near the box.  
Even if he's smart as a fox.  
Come and hang out at my house.  
I'll let you replace my old dead mouse.  
And forget about T's new hair.  
It's his head and I don't care.  
I will not call you Sir or Ma'am.  
But I might just call you, Sam-I-am.

_My brain! My brain!  
My brain! My brain!  
Do you like me  
and my brain?_

I like your brain, but we're not free!  
I just gotta know, Sam, do you like me?

And don't let Daniel near any box.  
Even if it has triple locks.  
I really need a brand new mouse.  
And we could hang out at my house.  
Ya think T could change his hair?  
Blonde or black? I don't care.  
I will not call you Sir or Ma'am.  
But I will CALL you, Sam-I-am.

_Hey!  
At the park?  
Back at the park!  
I swear, we really had a spark._

Oh yeah, I think  
we had a spark.

_And that one time,  
in the rain?_

Oh yeah, good times in the rain.  
And at the park, I love your brain.  
No stars to day, we're still not free.  
But I do like you, Sam, you see.  
Hang at my house, bring Daniel's box.  
He'll fix my mouse, that smart fox.  
Let Teal'c wonder about his own hair.  
At this point, no one else will care.

_You will not call me  
Sir or Ma'am?_

I will  
call you,  
Sam-I-am.

_How do you stand it when  
Gou'auld gloat?_

I just ignore  
them when  
they gloat.

_Do they ever get  
your goat?_

I just ignore them and don't emote.  
I just ignore them when they gloat.  
I remember that time once in the rain.  
And I like your body and your brain.  
Oh yeah, the park, just you and me.  
We blow up stars and still aren't free.  
Let's lock Daniel in his box.  
He'll get out, smart young fox.  
You come hang out at my house.  
Surf the 'Net with my infa-red mouse.  
And what's the deal now with T's new hair?  
Does anyone really, really care?

I will not  
call you  
Sir or Ma'am.

But will definitely call you,  
Sam-I-am.

_I know you'll call me.  
That's what you say.  
Call me. Call me.  
Call me today.  
Call me today, I say, I say._

Sam!  
I know we aren't Reg free.  
But I will call you.  
You will see.

Hey!  
Forget the silly Sir or Ma'am.  
I do like you, Sam-I-am.  
I'm kinda quiet, I don't emote.  
But I shoot the Gou'auld when they gloat...

And we need more time in the rain.  
And at the park. I love your brain.  
Let's watch the stars. That part's free.  
We'll be so good, so good, you see!

And Daniel will always have a box.  
He's smart and nosy as a fox.  
And we'll hang out at my house.  
Watch TV, forget the mouse.  
No more mention of Teal'c's new hair.  
Not another word, I don't CARE.

I do so love you,  
Colonel Ma'am.  
Love you?  
LOVE you,  
Sam-I-am!

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**A/N:** All fomatting is true to the original Green Eggs and Ham by the one and only Dr. Seuss. Don't email me with grammatical points unless you have your book handy. All other mistakes are mine and mine alone. 


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